Trying to Recover....

My husband and I took the children to Chattanooga this weekend. I really just wanted to visit everyone. We will not go back until this summer and I just have this feeling of foreboding that I needed to go now...

Other than visiting, the main reason we went was to meet some older relatives and see photos of my mamaw and papaw and other relatives that I had never seen. My aunt and I visited relatives for a couple of hours on Saturday and literally it wore me out so much that I ended up having to rest for the remainder of the day, then I got up for a couple more hours, but I had to go back to bed last night and I didn't get up until 1:00 today!!!

I can't believe how much the least amount of exertion is affecting me. It's horrible.

Anyway, since I slept so late, we got a late start home today. We returned a while ago and I wanted to post a couple of notes on the digest because we need to find the bird a home and sell that washer and dryer, but I'm heading to bed now. I am so incredibly sick. I don't know if it's because of the travel or what, but I am just worn out. My abdomen is hurting SO SO SO bad and I feel like I just need to throw up. That's a new thing. Usually I just hurt and sometimes I feel nauseous, but this is so much worse. I also have a bad headache coming on.

I won't be going out much now. That just makes me plain depressed!! I'm not used to that. :) The medicine has started making me feel worse already and that's what happened after I had Hannah. I literally sleep around 16 hours a day on average and sometimes up to 20 hours with this medicine. This is honestly worse than the pain from the blood clots in many ways - especially because it's so debilitating, but hopefully it will keep me alive. I have a few hours each day where I can function well and I am so VERY thankful for that.

People ask how I manage to get things done if things are really as bad as I say. Some people look at me and because I LOOK normal and I try to keep a smile on my face, it's as if they think I'm making this whole thing up. It's almost funny now, but I've learned so much about prejudice through all this. To answer how I "do" it, I say that ... I have a very helpful husband. My children are INCREDIBLY wonderful and they see how difficult it is for me. While I put on my best face for everyone else, they see me when I can't walk or get out of bed. That's sad for me, but this has also helped them become the sensitive helpful children they are. Finally, I've learned to appreciate the little time I do have and I make the most of it. That's part of the reason I haven't been on the digest. I only have a few hours per day when I function well. I don't really have any "extra" time any more so I have to use what I have to get as much done as possible in as short a period as possible. On days when I feel worse, I can't even get to the computer. Last week one day, I managed to heat up a casserole that someone brought us and I made some corn pudding to go with it. I was so proud of the fact that I had heated up the casserole and made the corn pudding myself... Considering the fact that most days I can't do that, you learn to be thankful for the small things. My house is a total disaster area, but the kids do the best they can. The messiness is difficult for me to deal with since I kept an IMMACULATE house before Hannah was born and that's another thing I've had to relinquish. But, you can build Godly character in a home whether it's clean or dirty so I try to keep it in perspective. :)

Also, the Lord has graciously allowed me the opportunity to write another book, I need to conserve energy for that task. I believe all things do work together for the Glory of God so I pray that in some way this latest difficulty will help me write something that will be more helpful to those readers who will see the book in 2010. I am just incredibly thankful that I am able to write. Despite all the pain, at least my fingers work without any pain at all! When I'm working on an essay or a paper or book for the purpose of helping other homeschoolers (or non-homeschooling parents), I try to say what the Lord wants me to say, not what I want to say. Even on days when I have a headache, it makes it more difficult to write, but it's almost like I can still do it so long as I can continue to type because I've really prayed about the material in advance and it comes out naturally. Sometimes the pain in my head, abdomen, back, or legs is just so unbearable that I can't stand it. When it's that bad, the only way to keep from exploding is to take medicine to help me sleep through the worst of it.

Thank you all for your prayers, encouragement, and help. I hope no one minds the update. We received many Christmas cards and I don't know when I'll ever have a chance to write individual notes to say hello or even thank you where appropriate. I just don't have the energy. Even now I really need to go. I am in such pain that I can't sit here and type any longer. But it is so encouraging to me to know that there are some of you praying for me and my family regularly. I covet those prayers.

Your Sister in Christ,
Sonya